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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

 

The Top Ten Reasons To Make Gay Marriage Illegal

Gay Pride New York 2008 / 20080629.10D.49816 / SML

I came across this on Facebook yesterday, and felt -- with the sudden flurry of politicking in New York and in New Jersey to get marriage equality through in each state -- it was hilariously timely, too. Enjoy! (via Left Take)

THE TOP TEN REASONS TO MAKE GAY MARRIAGE ILLEGAL
  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed, like many of the principles on which this great country was founded: women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour, just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry, because our orphanages aren’t full yet and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society, and we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Jill said...

Hanging around tall people will make you tall? Now I know that one's a lie!

Funny stuff. This needs to go viral.

11/10/09, 5:20 AM  
Blogger Joe Ruby Oswald said...

Hilarious.

11/10/09, 10:56 AM  
Blogger Campgrenada said...

Great stuff!

11/11/09, 5:26 AM  
Blogger See-ming Lee said...

Thanks for using my photo :)

2/3/10, 5:08 PM  

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