2007 Verve Awards

2006 Verve Awards

Best Arts and Culture Blog 2005 Queer Day Awards

Best Gay Blog Nominee 2004 Weblog Awards

Best Arts and Culture Blog Nominee

Monday, September 03, 2007


Big Brother Trifecta: How Can Pouring Butter On People Be So Uninteresting?

The most irritating tea party in history continued into last night's episode , where the HOH competition had the houseguests filling up huge goldifsh bowls with water in teacups. Okay, it's not just teacups...the floor was slick with a substance that resembled movie-theatre popcorn butter. Yeah, I don't get it either.

But it was intense, in the way that only pointless reality show tests of endurance can be. As Eric, Evil Daniele, Evil Dick and Zach ran back and forth with their teacups, we were treated to anecdotes, pratfalls, and a flashback of Dick telling Zach exactly where to get off. This, in case you're wondering, is what passes for foreshadowing on BB...wow, if Zach wins HOH, Dick's in theoretical trouble! Oooo! I nevah thunk o' dat.

So surprise surprise, Zach fills up his fishbowl first. Which immediately sends everyone else in the house into a near-catatonic stupor of depression. Because everyone has overlooked Zach since the beginning -- rightfully so, I might add -- and he's completely without any alliances or bonds. In other words, he's a jerk...but a jerk with temporary power. Tremble and shake, you pathetic losers!

Daniele was the first to try to put the moves on Zach...suddenly, they're best friends. Zach (to his credit) wasn't biting. Meanwhile, Eric confessed his role in the rogue votes and the mustard-squirting incident to Jessica, just stopping short of telling her he's America's Player. Why did he tell her? The same reason that boys, for thousands of years, have stupid told their secrets to slutty blonde girls. Because they're horny as fuck.

Speaking of America's Player, it seems that our nation, inexplicably, wants Jameka nominated. So Eric trundled off to try to make that happen with Zach, but it didn't seem too potent an argument. A more pervasive ploy was attempted by Daniele (again), who suggested to Zach that he nominate Jessica and Eric, in exchange for immunity if either she or Dick got HOH next week. A smart, devious play...and so obviously fake it should have come with silicone implants.

So what did Zach, the human tree stump, do? He bought it, and saved Dick and Daniele. And then he got even dumber, by nominating Jessica and Jameka. Are you kidding me? What a weak, weak move...putting up players he was worried about competing against in the Final Two, when there are still six sharks in the tank. If this show got any more frustrating, I'd probably put a foot through the TV.

The upside, of course, is that the Power of Veto competition has the potential to be very interesting...and Tapeworthy will have the entire rundown for you on Wednesday. Until then, pray that Amber, Jen, and Dustin are having a ball in the sequester house. We'll need them if there's to be any salvaging of this season.



Post a Comment

<< Home