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Thursday, August 02, 2007

 

The Fab List: Getting To Know Glitter For Brains


Welcome to , a new feature here at ModFab. What is it, and who makes the list? Great bloggers and vloggers you may not know, or who you'd like to get to know better. We're inviting them over to the ModFab Lounge, buying them a cocktail, and discovering the people behind the brilliance. Enjoy!

The Fab List kicks off with Glitter For Brains, a sexy slice of Brit Wit whose daily exploits are so delicious they could be served for dessert. Whether detailing his unusual club-hopping with "Cher" or musing on the possible gender reassignment of his neighbor, there's a subversively entertaining genius at work. If a blog is a window into a soul, Glitter For Brains is laughing at you from the other side of the glass, cocktail in hand. Enjoy!

FAB INTRO: Hey Glitter! Some people say that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. What brings you to the blogosphere?

Glitter for Brains is a charming repository of all my filthy stories and observations of the glittering celebrity world, inspired by a good friend who said "you really must write all this down." Initially I was against it for legal reasons, but then the awards started coming in. And who's to argue with that? The two rules of blogging are "Give 'em what they want, and *then* wrap it up in a rude tale -- hopefully having a swipe at Britney in the process."

FAB MUSIC: What's playing on the Glitter iPod these days?

Girls Aloud always get my arthritic feet tapping away; I love them so much. There's this one member - a ginger one, bless - who looks like she just won a competition to star in a photoshoot with the band, and they were just too polite to ask her to leave at the end of the day and she just kinda stuck around. She's the one with the dead, shark-like eyes and hydraulic movements. Perhaps she's a robot. We still don't know who the final Cylon model is after all...

FAB MOVIE: What's your favorite flick of all time?

Something gaudy and see-through -- no, wait, that's what I'm wearing. I'm a huge fan of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, the be-boobed beauty's first foray into cinema, purely for lots of jokes about her fun-bags. I think the reason I turned out to be a Gentleman Who Can't Catch is due to a horrible disappointment that breasts don't make that 'HNNK!' noise when you squeeze them, a la any Carry On film. Just think how much fun that'd be?! If norgs made a noise, I think I'd have settled down with a woman, a Vauxhall Corsa and a dog ten years back, instead of favouring shaking my ass in the air at a local gay baboon club whenever I get the chance.

FAB HOBBY: What does Glitter do for downtime?

I'm really fortunate that my hobby is basically my job: I'm a graphic designer. I have to say it's the best job in the world -- much better than the guy who fits Ryan Reynolds' scuba suit, because one would imagine you'd get tired of his beardy charms after the first twenty years and the innumerable arguments about why he would like cock anyway since he went out with the slightly-mannish Alanis Morrisette for years. Ahem. Oh yes, you'll often find me pottering around in my office-cum-boudoir, touching up gentlemen through the magic of Photoshop in my spare time. The rest of the time, you'll find me enjoying long walks on the beach, a bottle of wine with friends...wait. Is this for a dating site? I can't remember.

FAB HERO: Do you admire anyone deeply? The go-go dancer on Fridays doesn't count.

My hero is TV's Doctor Who. I think the reason being that, growing up as a Gentleman Who's A Good Listener, you latch on to anything that doesn't feature anything overly male-female in the bedroom department and Doctor Who fit that perfectly. The Doctor was a sexless alien from a planet where the primary decoration seemed to be formica and satin. He rides around the universe in what is basically a big closet, having fabulous adventures with a woman with big hair who he shows no sexual interest in whatsoever while being menaced by fey rubber-clad villains in their tinsel lairs. He's also brave and clever and all that jazz, but on the whole, I think it's about running around the universe with a screaming fag-hag -- and if that's not what life is about, I'm not sure what is.

FAB HOTTIE: Who gets your glitter going? Be specific, we're trying to visualize.

I'm fickle, I have to say that. Oh the parade of gentlemen callers passing my chaise-lounge each day...each one sets my heart a-flutter. Men are like a good martini: if they are done correctly, I'll be downing them in one and licking the rim for afters. Though I still get a bit moist around the nether-mouth over Ben Browder and the aforementioned Ryan Reynolds. I just love the size of them; just imagine - they'd be like a wardrobe falling on you with a big key in the door. Aren't men just great?

FAB SITE: Once they finish reading ModFab and GFB, where should readers head next?

I'm going to say my friend Gertie's (http://www.euston.blogspot.com) as he's someone I told to start writing, and he's gone on to do a mavellous read that's basically about diddling men in bushes, while all the time trying to be aloof about it all. It's a wonderful laugh, and he's terribly good. Give it a try if you don't mind a tale of getting grass-stained knees while trying to read Proust.

FAB SECRET: Tell us something private. We'll only share it with the entire world.

It's difficult to come out with some new secret as you're pouring out your world with each post to the interweb. I've gone through everything on there, from losing my virginity to a Bonnie Tyler-singing loon, adventures with Star Trek's Kate Mulgrew, affairs, lives, loves, and brand new cleaning products. I basically started the blog as an aide-memoire to all the ludicrous things that often happen to me, and it's all there. Maybe behind a glib joke about Sarah Jessica Parker's face looking like an elongated leather handbag, but still it's all there.

What I will share is that I have often written an entry while naked. And while you 'pfft' that off as a mere nothing, may I point out that I was in an internet cafe at the time.

FAB FUTURE: What's next for you?

My darling things, I have no idea what the future will bring. Though I do hope to carry on doing it - I see myself stretched out on something velvety, dictating my life to some young delicious gentleman as he taps away at his vintage Imperial. I'll keep going as long as there's something to write about. As long as there's celebrities having messy meltdowns in public, as long as there's bad films to take the piss out of, as long as there's a gentleman caller I'm willing to drop my hankie for, I'll keep going. Because, darling reader, it's just too much damn fun!

If you've got a blog you'd like to see on The Fab List, drop me an email at the link in the sidebar.

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