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Friday, August 24, 2007


Big Brother Trifecta: Jen, We Apologize for Calling You Unitarded

The rumors coming from the live feeds made sitting down to this week's eviction episode a little more exciting than most. Would the Evil Bastard finally get his comeuppance? Would the producers finally let us see what all the hubbub was about? Would Eric finally confess how attracted he was to Nick? And would I get so damn frustrated that I would, like many fans, just give up on the show and admit it has jumped the shark?

As we picked up from Jen's suprise nomination last week, it seemed that she really wasn't taking it well. In fact, she seemed really pissed...and for a change, she was pissed at the right people, Evil Dick and Evil Daniele. I've never liked Jen, but let me say: last night was sublime. There was a satisfying joy as she destroyed his cigarettes...all of them. She held it together as he stole all of her clothes. She gave an enormous fuck-you to the producers by eating non-slop products....who lived up to the show's Orwellian nom de guerre by giving Jen an extra penalty vote for eviction. But the BB producers are small potatoes next to Dick, who -- I am not kidding here -- breathed cigarette smoke from his last pack into Jen's face after being asked repeatedly to stop...and then tried to burn her with the cigarette.

What are we watching, people? Some fucked up after-school special on abusing women? Lord of the Flies meets Battle of the Network Stars?

CBS feels that now would be a good time to change the subject. (Ya think?) So off we went to the edited package of Amber and Daniele on their trip to the game show Power of 10, which they won during last Tuesday's veto competition. This included a private jet, Amber actually wearing makeup, and their "special friends" brought in to cheer them on...who included Nick, who hopefully brought his wasting-away girl a sandwich to eat. But then...the unthinkable happened. Suddenly, we're back to the Chenbot! She's informing us that we don't get to see anything...because we have to watch the friggin' game show next week! Curse you, corporate synergy!!!!

Back to the nominations, and Jen is again being spectacular. In her speech to the houseguests she said (and I quote): "In my who's life I've always been a happy, positive person who's honest...obviously, I don't fit in here." SNAP! Maybe I was wrong about you, girl....okay, no I wasn't, you're a selfish bitch. But you weren't the biggest bitch in the house, and unfortunately this season, that counts for something.

By a unanimous vote, they sent her packing...and some were openly hateful, including Eric, who refused to hug her goodbye and felt the need to tell her off as she went. (I'm trying to like you dude, but you make it hard.) Jen was actually kind-of dignified in the post-interview with the 'Bot. Kind-of. A mix of stupid and dignified.

Let me be absolutely clear here: I don't think Jen is a saint. And I kind of detest her. But this is now a house full of truly reprehensible people, and their behavior is inexcusable -- all of them, Bible-thumping Jameka included. So if Jen decides to flame out in a blaze of crazy-ass glory, I kind of respect it.

And she got a tiny taste of revenge...the HOH competition was a now-standard trivia competition, but it included a dunk tank for each of the houseguests. When they got a question wrong, Jen got the joy of pressing a big red button, which unceremoniously dropped them into their tank. Eric was first to drown (unsuccessfully, unfortunately), followed by Amber and Zach...and in the final head-to-head, Evil Dick lost to Jessica. That Jessica is good with the trivia!

Now. Enough fucking around, people. Do the right thing. The ONLY ACCEPTABLE PLAY for Jessica is to nominate Dick and Daniele. They are the strongest alliance, and this will be the house's last chance to break them up. Anything else, and the game's a foregone conclusion. On Monday, QTA will rundown the nominations, and Wednesday Tapeworthy will cover an especially important Power of Veto.



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