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Friday, August 03, 2007


Big Brother Blogging: Look, There's Crap Falling From The Sky!

If Jameka is right -- that is being guided by the hand of God this season -- then last night's episode tells us only one thing...God is a mighty big drama queen. Screaming, shaving, throwing drinks, bitching publicly and privately about any and everything...and that was the first ten minutes. But here, let me give you the skinny...

First: you've seen this, right?

We can only blame Nick's unfortunate hair-don't on a psychological freak-out resulting from his unexpected nomination last Tuesday...I mean, really, what other option did he have? Become a cutter? Pierce his nipples with dinner forks? If you're gorgeous and you want to self-mutilate, hair is pretty much your only option.

Speaking of unfortunate hair, Jen was a mess when Evil Dick threw a drink on her head in another of their infamous catfights. The producers really hope you'll begin feeling sorry for Jen -- one entire segment was devoted to Dick yelling at her, then Daniele yelling at her, then Nick yelling at her. Awwww. Poor, unfortunate, fake-tittied Jen.

The leading cabal in the house, convinced that Nick was a turncoat (although viewers know better), lined up to vote the hottie out...including his "friend" Amber (who cried at least 47 separate times in this episode, and is seriously starting to PISS ME OFF with her duplicitous shtick -- crying as you stab friends in the back? I'll give you something to cry about.) as well as his showmance Daniele, who taught us all a lesson: never fall in love with a bi-polar anorexic. It can only end in heartache.

After Nick bored us to tears in his interview with the Chenbot, we went to the HOH competition. As the houseguests walked into the back yard, they were commanded by the 'Bot to climb aboard the pendulums swinging underneath a row of oversized clocks. As they started to sway, one could almost feel the total lack of imagination of the Big Brother producers. Falling off a swing...that's an endurance competition? But wait! What promised to be a trip to Dullsville turned out to be scatalogically brilliant...as the houseguests were told to hang UPSIDE-DOWN and have big plastic crows dump fake bird dookie all over them! And not a dribble either...a real shitstorm! Ha hahahahahahaha! It's like Beavis and Butthead are running CBS!

So who will be the HOH? Nobody knows yet...they're saving it to reveal on Sunday, after which QTA will tell you all the poop. Heh. Poop. Let's hope the birds swoop down and start pecking out eyeballs! It's like King Lear or The Birds, only with Kail as Tippi Hedren. Hahahahahaha!



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