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Friday, July 27, 2007


Big Brother Trifecta: From Now On, Please Evict The Ugly People First

Think you know what happened last night on Big Brother? I thought I knew what was going down, but boy, did I miss it. Because being trapped in that house must do some kind of crazy mojo on people's brains, convincing them that the really stupid idea is actually the best one. Read on, and I'll explain.

But first: the Chenbot fashion report. Last night, our favorite emotionally stunted reality host chose a radically blown-out hairstyle that resembled both Medusa and Lady Bunny, the Bot was summer-ific in an apricot sweater set and white pants and pumps...perfect pre-Labor Day wear for an eviction.

As we picked up the action coming off of last Tuesday's veto ceremony, HOH Evil Dick was still spinning like a big, needy emotional top...he immediately decided that the newly-nominated Mike might, in fact, make a better target. Was this switcheroo really happening, or was it merely creative editing? Suddenly Jen was reading Mike the riot act about not telling her things, fellow studpuppy Nick was out for Mike's blood, and the whole house looked like it had tipped to oust the hunk instead.

So who can we turn to for guidance? America's Player. And America, it seems, was less unsure about who should go: they wanted Eric to get noted homophobe and all-around poor sport Kail out of the house. As we headed into the vote, however, it seemed neck-and-neck.

But wait...the producers want to tell you more about Nick and Daniele's showmance. They interviewed with Daniele's real-life boyfriend about the budding affair, which is mean and cruel and scrumptious. For the record, the boyfriend is sure that Daniele will be faithful. He is also sure that the world is flat, and unicorns are real.

Then the Chenbot was back for her on-air secret chat with the Head of Household, Evil Dick. Totally dull, no news there. But in the tease before commercial, the Chenbot let the profanity fly...she called Jen a bitch! On camera! Live! I wonder who teaches dirty words to robots. Bill Gates, probably.

Oh...and Jen is indeed a bitch. In case you didn't know. They did a segment trying to convince viewers otherwise, but take it from me. Jen. Bitch. Yes.

The live vote: Zach, who looks more like Lil' Abner every day, voted against his former alliance partner Kail, and so did Eric (at America's instruction). Jameka went the other way, and voted to take out Mike...as did Jen, Dustin, Amber, Nick, Daniele, and Jessica. Will anyone miss Mike, really? Not in the house, I don't think. But I will. I will miss his abdominal muscles. And his supafine pecs. And that dumb-as-a-rock facial pout. (Can we now have a moratorium on voting out the hot guys? Can Jessica go next, please?)

The new Head of Household competition followed, and it was a buzzer-heavy affair, with trivia questions about the evicted houseguests. Eric clearly dominated, answering question after question...and then spectacularly threw the competition right at the end, allowing Dustin to become HOH. The gays are in charge! What will we do, now that we have power over the straights? Stay tuned to the all week: QTA has the roundup on the nominations next Monday, and on Wednesday, Tapeworthy chronicles the Power of Veto. See you there...



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