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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

 

The Craptastic Oscar Nominations

The Oscar nominations, such as they are, are here. Surprises? Well, I guess I did ask for some...but I wasn't expecting such a sorry display. If the most boring year in Oscar history was already uninspiring, the nominations today have made it stultifying.

BEST PICTURE - The gays get the shaft again, as Dreamgirls is egregiously skipped for Letters From Iwo Jima. By choosing one racial minority over another, of course, the Academy protects itself from charges of racism. But don't be fooled...this is about loving Clint Eastwood and hating anything remotely queer (including colorful musicals).

BEST DIRECTOR - The walk of shame for Dreamgirls continues, as Bill Condon gets skipped for Eastwood again. Paul Greengrass secures the only nomination for United 93, which keeps the list from being completely insupportable.

BEST LEAD ACTOR - Ryan Gosling edges out Golden Globe winner Sacha Baron Cohen for the fifth spot. Oscar does love their drug addicts, don't they? Expect the race to quickly become Whitaker Vs. O'Toole in the media. Although I prefer Whitaker, I'd be happy with either.

BEST LEAD ACTRESS - No shockers. Surprisingly, Clint Eastwood is not nominated in this category.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - Perhaps the biggest WTF???? of the entire list, as legendary Oscar darling Jack Nicholson is skipped over for Departed castmate Mark Wahlberg. Yes people...Marky Mark has defeated the star of Chinatown. Can we attribute this to global warming?

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS - No surprises. Dreamgirls being skipped in the other categories actually strengthens Jennifer Hudson's chances here, since the Academy will want to prove how non-racist, non-musical they are.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - Otherwise known as the Category Where I Get Screwed. My favorites (Pedro Almodovar and Paul Greengrass) are skipped over for those I detest (Guillermo del Toro and, yes, Clint Eastwood...actually someone named Iris Yamashita wrote Iwo Jima, but I bet that name actually translates to "Clint Eastwood" in Japanese.)

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - Borat and Children of Men top out over The Devil Wears Prada and Thank You for Smoking, which I'm actually fine with.

BEST FOREIGN FILM - First Dreamgirls, now Volver gets skipped? Is there some backlash against gay directors that I'm not privy to? I mean...really.

BEST ANIMATED FILM - Went 3 for 3. Wasn't hard, if you were paying attention to the precursors.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - I got four out of five right, my best showing ever in this category. I wish I could take more pleasure in that.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - The massacre continues. ModFab favorite Alexandre Desplat gets nominated, but for the wrong movie (The Queen instead of The Painted Veil). Clint Mansell's forward-thinking music for The Fountain goes unrecognized, making room for (surprise) The Good German, because Thomas Newman must Always Be Nominated. I guess I should just be thankful that Clint Eastwood was skipped over somewhere.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - Golden Globe winner Prince was skipped, as was Seal. Three nominations for Dreamgirls, which seems like apologies for other crimes. Expect Melissa Etheridge to walk away with it for her tune from An Inconvenient Truth, because Oscar voters just can't get enough of the adult-contemporary rock.

CINEMATOGRAPHY - No Dreamgirls, no Rodrigo Prieto for Babel. Instead? The Prestige. Which struck me, when I saw it, as if it were shot with a Polaroid instamatic.

ART DIRECTION - The Prestige and The Good Shepherd over Marie Antoinette and Children of Men. Someone PLEASE explain this bullshit to me.

EDITING, VISUAL EFFECTS, SOUND, SOUND EDITING - Oh who cares.

COSTUME DESIGN - Patricia Field makes it to the table with her contemporary looks for The Devil Wears Prada. With Curse of the Golden Flower, Dreamgirls, Marie Antoinette and The Queen, this looks to be the most interesting (and superlative) battle of the entire list.

MAKEUP - Click, the Adam Sandler movie, gets nominated over nearly everything else. No peace, no justice.

ANIMATED SHORT - 4 out of 5.
LIVE ACTION SHORT - 0 out of 5. So what.
DOCUMENTARY SHORT - 3 out of 5.

I don't know what to say...I'm completely disgusted. Let me know what you think in the comments.

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