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Tuesday, May 23, 2006


American Idol: Even Coachella Was Shorter Than This

Even though we're down to just a pair of contestants, we clearly have a time-suckage on our hands. Yes, on Wednesday's 2-hour finale of American Idol, we will eventually get to hear Katharine and Taylor sing (in that order, thanks to Taylor's winning coin toss). By our estimate, that should take about, what...20 minutes? Tops? "But ModFab, I thought you said it was TWO HOURS." And so it is, my little ones.

"So what are we going to do for the rest of the time, ModFab?" Sadly, everything but the macarena. Via Reality Blurred: in addition to performing their proposed new pop singles (which they will already have sung on Tuesday), we'll be treated to two duets: Katharine with Meat Loaf (ouch, that's gotta sting) and Taylor with a C-lister to be announced. That'll kill 20 more minutes. Then what?

I know...bring back other people! Elliott "Get Your Teeth Fixed" Yamin will return to do a duet with Mary J. Blige, while the guy who coulda woulda shoulda, Chris Daughtry, will sing along with Live. (Makes that whole Meat Loaf thing sound even worse, especially when you guess which song they're going to do. And no, I won't do that, thank you very much.)

20 more minutes. We've barely hit the hour mark, maybe 80 minutes with commercials. Damnit, Jim, the engines can't take much more o'this!

So in an effort to get as many Coke ads on as possible, we'll see Daniel Powter shower his nascent pop career with gasoline and light it on fire by performing "Bad Day" on the show, while Carrie Underwood will return to hawk her new single. Rumors swirl that she'll be joined at the product placement lollapalooza by Bo Bice and Clay Gayken. Jesus, I'm tired already. Can someone please make it stop?
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