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Wednesday, May 03, 2006


American Idol: Butchering Hits So You Don't Have To

To all ModFab Readers: are Randy, Simon, and Paula gang-fucking Elliot Yamin backstage? Because for the life of me, I don't get their perpetual chubby for this guy.

During Elliot's high school talent show butchering of George Benson's "On Broadway", the ModFab editors could do little but face the gap-toothed truth: Elliot's voice is dull and scratchy, his face could stop traffic, and his personality is so chirpy that even Mandisa wants to give him a beatdown. And yet the judges are elbowing each other out of the way to give him praise! WTF?!?! Is it the half-deaf thing? Are there bribes under the table to Seacrest? Explain, please.

Apart from Snagglepuss, it was an interesting evening with our Final Five tonight on A.I. Adorable Paris bounced her way through a funky rendition of Prince's "Kiss" (my favorite performance of the night), while Taylor found a perfect theme song in "Play That Funky Music." Each of the performers sang two songs for the first time; the stress showed in Chris' voice as he cracked through the final tune, while Katharine proved how wildly uneven she is from song to song. My guess is that (should the incomprehensible Elliot lovefest continue) Katharine will go home, with Paris joining her in the bottom two because America still has a race problem. And yes, that was purposefully inflammatory, so I hope you'll be commenting to tell me where to get off.


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