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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

 

Why I'd Like To Give Natasha Bedingfield A Beatdown

Why is it that I hate Natasha Bedingfield so completely? Her songs are innocuous, her sex appeal is unforced, and she's British, which gives her hip-hop-lite persona a little twist. Nothing objectionable, really. So why is it every time I see her videos, I fantasize about bashing her face with a tire iron?

I've thought about this all day, and I think I hate her because she's so obviously a tool. Every pose, every key change, every video...it all reeks of record company manipulation and demographic-inspired decisions. I love Kylie, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Beyonce, Mary J., Missy, and many other female pop stars. But all of them exude an integrity -- Kylie is a disco diva and knows it, Madonna is always a sex goddess, etc. They are who they are. Bedingfield is whoever Sony tells her to be. She's the girl-pop version of IBM...a pre-packaged corporate monolith.

And another thing. It's not that "her book is still unwritten." It's that it's COMPLETELY written, and the text is dull as dishwater. It's a philosophy so sophmoric it could give Dr. Phil a songwriting credit.
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