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Friday, March 17, 2006

 

Mod Fab Six: The Dance Remix

Our varsity squad of cultural elitists, The Mod Fab Six, have been discussing Slant's new list of the 100 Greatest Dance Songs of All Time with growing agita. True, Slant reminded the public of some unheard gems, notably Uncanny Alliance's "I Got My Education" (#91), "Justified and Ancient" by The KLF featuring Miss Tammy Wynette (#79), "Back To Life" by Soul II Soul (video) (#55), and Inner City's legendary house classic "Good Life " (#55). But for every hit, there's a string of inexplicable misses. Do they really expect us to believe that Underworld's "Cowgirl" (#27) is better than Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" (#31)? Have you ever tried to actually dance to #36, Paula Abdul's jangly disaster "Straight Up"?

So the Mod Fab Six have some additions, if you please, to Slant's up-and-down list. Pump up the jam:

STINKYLULU
Slant Forgot: "You Spin Me 'Round (Like A Record)", Dead or Alive
Just gotta give it to the gays for making musical allegories of queer erotic experience that are also fun at weddings. YMCA? Rock Lobster? And -- the goofiest of them all -- this gem. (High school flashback: StinkyLulu went to high school and was friends with the marvel who would later be known as Misstress Formika. Indeed, StinkyLu still treasures the image of Misstress' high school self sweepng the dancefloor with the fiercest of spins at an ABQ under-21-club at the first beat of this song's distinctive vamp.)
Bonus Track: "Why?", Bronski Beat
Just Because: "Rebel Yell", Billy Idol

PAR3182
Slant Forgot: "Ride On Time", Black Box
i can't go past 'ride on time' by black box - which i don't even remember that clearly but it was THE song guaranteed to fill the dancefloor during my first tentative months on the clubbing circuit.
Bonus Track: 'the 3am performance by kylie minogue of "What Do I Have To Do?" at sydney's gay and lesbian mardi gras'
Just Because: "Dancing Queen", Abba

DR.S
Slant Forgot: "Rock Lobster", The B-52s
This song (along with Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back") is my huge WTF for the Slant list. They worked on this thing for six freakin' months and left off "Rock Lobster"?! Maybe they overlooked it because they thought it was only a rock. But it wasn't a rock. It was a rock lobster! When I grow up, I want to be one of the B-52s. If you don't know this song, you might be in some kind of peril.
Bonus Track: "Girls & Boys", Blur
Just Because: "I Miss You", Björk

NICK
Slant Forgot: "Shoop", Salt 'n' Pepa
The perfect, slinky, slowed-down, funnysexy hip-hop interlude. You can dance to the song, act out the words, and get away with absolutely anything with/on/to your dance partner. [Ed. note -- I have been on the receiving end of this, and vouch that Nick can, in fact, get away with absolutely anything.)
Bonus Track: "Fastlove", George Michael
Just Because: "Fix Up, Look Sharp", Dizzee Rascal

MELISSA
Slant Forgot: "A Little Respect", Erasure
Possibly the only truly good thing left over from my first marriage. (Ed. note -- she is not kidding about this, if you knew her first husband. Big trade up on hubbie #2!)
Bonus Track: "Just Like Heaven", The Cure
Just Because: "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", Wham!

NATHANIEL
Slant Forgot: "Knock on Wood", Amii Stewart
The way I love it is frightening. From it's opening marching beat and cascading rhythmic tumble --total dancefloor bliss. You better knock for the greatest dance song of all time. (Ed. note - The original is not available from iTunes, so enjoy the link above to the marvelous version by Morningwood.)
Bonus Track: "Toxic", Britney Spears
Just Because: "We Got The Beat", The Go-Gos

MODFAB
Slant Forgot: "Never Can Say Goodbye (Shep Pettibone Extended Mix)", Communards
There is absolutely no more delirious remix in the entire universe. Wailing gay diva action (courtesy of Jimmy Somerville) over hyped-up classic Motown. Divine. (Ed. note - iTunes sucks...the remix is not available, so here's the single version. Still good.)
Bonus Track: "In My Arms (Love To Infinity Stratomaster Mix)", Erasure
Just Because: "Theme From S-Express", S-Express

And since Stinkylulu started us off with a memory, I get to end with one: I came out in 1987, and went to my first gay club, Backstreet in Atlanta. I was nervous, and the bar was packed...maybe 2,000 men. Suddenly, "This Time I Know It's For Real" by Donna Summer came out, and the bar let out a collective shriek, trampling each other to the dance floor. I danced with the joy of being out, being alive, and being in love with dance music. I did indeed know it was for real.

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