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Thursday, February 09, 2006

 

Meet The Fab Six Candidates (And Vote!)

After receiving more than 50 requests to join The Fab Six, we were stunned. My god, there's just so much freakin' love in this room! We've narrowed down to 11...but these guys and gals are so damned talented, funny, and interesting that we can't possibly choose. Which is where you come in!

Welcome to the Fab Six Smackdown, where you will choose the new guardians of pop culture. I've asked each of the candidates to write a short intro on why they should be the next American Idol Fab Six'er. You can vote for up to six candidates by sending your votes to modern.fabulousity@gmail.com. Voting will go to Sunday morning at 11AM US EST; we'll announce the six winners on Monday. Here they are...begin laying the smacketh down!

#1: Charles (Illinois)
"I own a small flower shop in Chicago. The things that make me cry are hearing my favorite song live in concert, wearing a suit and tie, and that last drop of wine from the bottle before I go to work in the morning! My memoir, being published by Vanity Press in the fall, is entitled Putting on Chapstick in the Breakroom of the Blowjob Factory."

#2: Damian (Pennsylvania)
"My name is Damian. I was not named after the devil, his son, or the movie about said satanic family. Although I'm 22, I'm a real sucker for mud masks, dark chocolate and Tivoed episodes of Desperate Housewives (at the same time). I have an insatiable hunger for everything pop culture; I love this Fab Six idea....it's sort of like The View or the Other Half (that little gem with A.C. Slater and Mr. Bonaduce himself) with actual witty banter and without Star Jones."

#3: Dr. S (Ohio)
"I was born with six toes on one foot, in a year ending in six, so I suspect that I've actually been preparing to be a ModFab Sixer my whole life. I'm currently putting the badass attitude in the B.A. program in English at a small midwestern college; I don't even bat an eye when asked to read Victorian novels against Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, and I've got a whole theory about how George Eliot can be explained through my mirrorball. I savage stupidity with verve and vigor (not to mention style), whenever it rears its ugly head--and I'm always up for dishing out a homemade pie or flaming Baked Alaska, or at the very least a delicious slice of gossip, afterwards."

#4: FleshPresser (Pennsylvania)
"Admit it - you crave flesh... you want it, you need it, and damn it... you DESERVE it! 'Pressing the Flesh' - To shake hands and mingle with many people, especially when campaigning for political office. And even then, the cells of my flesh and yours co-mingle… and I take away a very small, miniscule portion of you with me."

#5: Jill (New Jersey)
"I provide some age diversity to what is undoubtedly going to be a pretty young group. I've been reviewing movies on the web for seven years, and I've been blogging for nearly two. To me, culture is political, and politics are cultural, so I think I can provide some insights into how to navigate the swampy morass that constitute the Bush years and still have fun doing it."

#6. Ltlhorn (Upstate New York)
"I represent the other 99 percent of queerdom that doesn't live in NYC or LA -- born in Nacanowhere Texas, I left the "Brokeback" life and now reside on the east coast out in the woods with my man of 23 years, the doctor that my mama raised me to marry. Once actor, now documentary filmmaker, ya'll really need my erudite country ass opinions now and then to remind you that Ennis and Jack aren't the only queer cowboys around. Biographical note: Cut the first glory holes on highway 59 back in Texas, got us listed in the Damron's guide circe 1979 - and yes, I ain't young, and I enjoy my position in the underbelly of society - I smoke, get over it.

#7: Melissa (Pennsylvania)
"I'm Melissa, the coolest liberal children's bookseller you'll ever encounter, married to a constitutional law professor who's just slightly left of Stalin, and much more fabulous than my stuffy Pennsylvania town or South Jersey drama geek roots might lead you to believe. Don't pick me because I'm unembarrassed to tell you that I have a subscription to US Weekly, Hello Kitty pajamas, 3,000 books and a vintage Christmas card collection, or because my pop culture knowledge will help me kick your ass at Scene It!, Trivial Pursuit, and Taboo, even after having half a bottle of Parrot Bay. Pick me because even though I can't dance, change my own oil or comprehend algebra, I can recite you Shakespeare, Star Wars, and Sorkin in the same breath, school you in sarcasm, and bake you the greatest fucking cupcake you've ever eaten in your life. (Why yes - that was a bribe.)"

#8: Nathaniel (New York)
"I'm Nathaniel and though already modern and fabulous I'm always desperate for more validation [It's the internet --don't judge!] If the ModFabSix peer pressure is strong enough, I will reveal my sacred psychic bonds with celebrities --I'm not even lying when I tell you that Kate Winslet and I (two such heavenly creatures) had our first homosexual experience in the same calendar year. Finally I offer this solemn vow: If ever at a loss for words, I'll draw pictures."

#9. Nick (Connecticut)
"In my Clark Kent life, I am a professor of film and American literature, surfing the foamy crest of the tenure track, trying not to make too many waves. But KABOOM! - after one hot minute in a phone booth and a little tactical undressing, I emerge as a trash-talking cineplex cowboy, with more than my share of idols to worship, bones to pick, obsessions to feed, and words to make my feelings known. Rumors persist that I have sometimes been spotted participating in other areas of life, slurping up good theater and good books and world affairs and celebrity derring-do-but, as with sightings of the Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster, these allegations are rare and hard to verify, and so I leave them to your lively imagination."

#10: Par3182 (Melbourne)
"I have attached a pic of Mount Disappointment (just outside of Melbourne, where i live) - as you can see it lives up to its name as it's really more of a hill. Looking forward to the whole fab thing; I hope I wasn't too pushy but you know how I feel about the whole six thing(s)."

#11: Sam (Illinois)
"I think of myself as a sort of young, gay, Woody Allen. I'm eighteen and still in high school, where I hang out with a bunch of straight wannabe indie hipsters who see being gay as a replacement for other sorts of indie credibility, like actually listening to god-awful indie music. Do I deserve to be in the Fab Six? Choose someone else if you want to. See if I care. I won't care. Don't mind me; I'll blog in the dark. Well, go on then. Pick one of those other queens. Really, I'm fine."

#12: StinkyLulu (New Mexico)
"Dolly Parton's got everything I want in a Higher Power; Fat thin rich poor -- the ever-bedazzled Dolly just sings to my Hispanic hillbilly soul. Sure, I'm just another over-educated sissy, returned to the provinces after a tawdry dissolute youth overspent in the big city...But -- as The Dolly might say -- it takes a lot of living to blog this cheap. So, ask yourself, 'What Would Dolly Do?'"

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