Stage Whispers: Patti LuPone Would Like To Beat The Crap Out Of You

Must-see of the Week:
Confessions of a Mormon Boy / SoHo Playhouse / Begins January 27

Before you dismiss the cheesy graphic and the lame title, check out the facts: Confessions of a Mormon Boy won the Overall Excellence Award at the 2004 New York Fringe Festival, has played across the country in hit runs, racking up stunning reviews everywhere it goes. A sample? The Chicago Tribune (not exactly a lightweight paper) says "staying away would be a mistake. Confessions of a Mormon Boy is an uncommonly powerful, gripping and very moving piece of theater. It’s far, far better than you’d guess." Okay, yes, it's a coming-out solo show performed by its author, Steven Fales. (And yes, we've all seen too many being-queer-is-really-hard stage indulgences.) But gives Fales his due...he had a lot of interesting things to overcome: former Eagle Scout, international missionary, Brigham Young grad, marriage in the Salt Lake Temple and father of two kids. That's gotta be good for some kinda drama, right?

This Week's Stage Whispers:

- Broadway's newest doyenne, Sarah Jones, gets the Q&A treatment from Broadway.com. Her old/new show, Bridge and Tunnel, is wowing 'em in a limited engagement at the Helen Hayes.

- Patti LuPone doesn't like it when you fall asleep in the front row during her performance in Sweeney Todd. And you, the guy eating peanuts during Act Two? She can see you, asshole.

- Icon Alert: Sting and Trudy Styler, for one night only, at 42nd Street's New Victory Theatre. Yes, they will sing. No, they will not be doing "Roxanne" or "Message in a Bottle."

- Jesus H. Christ, how do we make the madness stop? It's bad enough that Neil Simon's old crap is still cluttering Broadway. Now he's got more new plays ready. Why is it that some people never realize when it's time to die?

- Just what the world was missing: a musical based on the novels of German philosopher Herman Hesse. I hear they're optioning Kierkegaard next.

- London's version of the Tonys, the Olivier Awards, handed out their nominations last week. Expect to see some of the shows crossing the pond to NYC, including Billy Elliot and Don Carlos next season. Mary Stuart and Coram Boy are maybes, and sadly, the Ewan McGregor-Jane Krakowski Guys and Dolls has no current plans for a Stateside berth.

- Many little birdies are telling me that Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa's Based on a Totally True Story, at Manhattan Theatre Club beginning in March, has enough comic potential to be the surprise hit of the season. Now that they've cast Kristine Nielsen (Omnium Gatherum, Miss Witherspoon), I'm thinking they must be onto something.

- Life is a cabaret, old chum. Or at least it should be. So what are you waiting for? Check out the amazing cabaret lineup of Broadway stars at Birdland, beginning February 13th: 2005 Tony Winner Victoria Clark (The Light in the Piazza), Andrea McArdle (Annie), Rebecca Luker (The Music Man), Penny Fuller (A New Brain), Linda Lavin (Gypsy), Steven Brinberg (Funny Girl), Dick Scanlan (Thoroughly Modern Millie), and my baby Euan Morton (Taboo). I used to have a girlfriend known as Elsie...

- Mark Your Calendars. December 22. Dreamgirls: The Movie.

- And here's a little tidbit for those of you who read down this far. Expect an announcement in early February that The Drama League Awards next May will be hosted by Broadway's most famous Emcee, who is coming back to Broadway this season with a singularly sharp-edged performance. How's that for a not-at-all-blind item?